Tiger Woods Was Arrested Again and I Am Taking It as a Personal Failing
I woke up this morning, checked my phone, and saw the news about Tiger Woods getting arrested.…
Read MoreTiger Woods Was Arrested Again and I Am Taking It as a Personal Failing
The Automated Ball-Strike System is Rejecting My Friend Requests
Major League Baseball has finally fully integrated the Automated Ball-Strike (ABS) system, and everyone is complaining about…
Arsenal’s Injury List Is Longer Than My Grocery List and Neither Make Me Happy
I just checked the Arsenal injury update, and the list of sidelined players is officially longer than…
Liverpool Needs a New Coach and I’m Stressed the Ghost of Bill Shankly Will Be Disappointed
Liverpool is embarking on a search for a new manager, and I am legitimately worried that the…
Bosnia Plays Italy and I’m Stressed About the Geopolitical Implications of a 0-0 Draw
Bosnia is set to play Italy in a friendly match. I know it doesn’t count for anything,…
Vinícius Júnior Has a Slight Knock and I Have Diagnosed Him With 17 Imaginary Ailments
Reports out of Spain say Vinícius Júnior is dealing with “muscular discomfort.” I am not a medical…
Tottenham is Looking for a Coach and I’m Hiding So They Don’t Pick Me
Tottenham Hotspur fired their manager again. They are reportedly “casting a wide net” for his replacement. I…
I Saw an Image of Tottenham Hotspur and Felt an Overwhelming Sense of Doom
I was scrolling through my feed and saw a simple, high-resolution image of the Tottenham Hotspur starting…
Why Is Every Tournament Game a Blowout? I Blame Myself
This has been the Big Dance of blowouts. Twenty‑one games decided by 20 or more. At some…
Michigan Plays Tennessee Today and I Have Already Apologized to My Television
Michigan vs. Tennessee. The immovable object meets the unstoppable force. I have already gently patted my flat-screen…